I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
