READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
