In America we eat man semen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
