Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
