I wish I only lived at night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
