Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
