My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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