I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
