I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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