puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you made out with another girl for some wings
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
