There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize