think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
