Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
