Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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