They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
