This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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