This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
