Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
