Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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