You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
