my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
