why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
