I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
