No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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