It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize