you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
