she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize