That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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