i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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