I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
