I can text with my tongue
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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