I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
