moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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