Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
