this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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