just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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