Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize