Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
