He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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