We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
