Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize