threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We have started to decorate penises.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
