dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
