I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
