is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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