kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
