ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
