yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
