Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
