R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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