a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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