last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
