I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
