Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
