clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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