I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
