just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
