why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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