Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize