I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
be right there i have to get my cape
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
