apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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