M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
