I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
