i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
