My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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