They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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