problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
