Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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