At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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