This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
