i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
