Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
