How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
vagina is talking i cant
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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