____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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