If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
