Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
