I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
whose parrot is this?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
