I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
