I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
