thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
