what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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