hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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