let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
