and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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