There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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