her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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