I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
