Your face is a jimmy john
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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