i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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