He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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