i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
