scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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