You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
