In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
