That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize