i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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